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The current period represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {